Secrets, Lies and Morphine
by WalkerHarley
Summary: Cass had struggled her whole life to be who she wanted to be and sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone stand in her way. That was what she told herself before she moved to Chicago. Then she met Luka Kovac. She is determined to be happy but with the men at County it was hard to do. Summary sucks!


Here is an ER fic that has been messing in my head for a while. I am back from my hiatus and will be updating my other stories hopefully this week. This chapter has been written on my phone so isn't the best will edit on my laptop when I get round to it. Enjoy!

"Time of death 9:53". I moved my hands from the chest of the seven year old hit and run victim and took a step back, this was the part of the job that no amount of studying could prepare you for. Sam flicked the switch on the monitor and the constant bleep of the flatline stopped. It was eerily quiet as I turned around and started to pull my gloves off to then discard in the bin. It still creeped me out how a room that can have so much activity, so many people running around, just falls silent when the machines go off.

"Do you want me to go?" Pratt asked as I pulled my plastic apron off. Do I really want to go and do this? It's the small print agreement of the job you never truly realise is the hardest part of being a doctor. It's one thing telling someone their 95 year old grandmother has passed away peacefully in their sleep, that she felt no pain it was just her time. It's another thing to tell someone their seven year old little boy died after his head was split open and multiple bones crushed when he flew ten feet in the air after a drunk driver hit him speeding. So yes Pratt I do want you to go, but I was the one who went out to the ambulance. I was the one who put the chest tube in. I was the one who begged him to keep fighting.

"No it's fine I will go", I replied and washed my hands. I grabbed a paper towel and headed for the door, I turned to exit backwards and saw Sam taking the tube out of the boys throat. This was never easy on any of us and I really felt for Sam. When the boy first came in you could tell she felt something. A connection. She was competing the likeliness of this boy to Alex. She looked like she was holding in the tears, trying to stay strong just for that little bit longer. Just until this little boy looked presentable enough for his parents to say goodbye.

I walked down the corridor and passed the supply room. I looked up at Carter who was looking intensely for something from the many different drawers and shelves. That guy had been here so long yet he still didn't seem to have a clue where anything was, some days you would think he was the intern who didn't know his way.

Once at the end of the corridor I saw the door; 'Family Room'. I hated this room more than anything in this hospital, even more so than the morgue. It feels like lately I have only ever delivered bad news in this room, I mean it sure has been a while since I have walked in and said "congratulations Sir you wife has given birth to a beautiful girl" or "ma'am your husband is going to be fine he is being moved to an orthopaedic ward". This room had only been filled with sad tears lately and I was beginning to think I was cursed.

I knocked a couple of times, took a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth, then pushed the door open slightly.

"Mr and Mrs Bellick?"

A man and woman were seated on the sofa together, the man had his arm around his wife's shoulders and was whispering reassuring words in her ear as she leant over with her head in her hands. As I spoke they both looked up in my direction, "yes" Mr Bellick replied. I walked into the room and shut the door behind me. The blinds were shut on the windows and door giving the room a mellow feel. If I had walked in here for the first time I would almost find it relaxing. I took a seat to the right of Mr and Mrs Bellick and placed my hands in my lap, I couldn't help it but I put my hands together and started squeezing them.

"Mr and Mrs Bellick your son sustained some very serious injuries in the collision, some of which were fatal. I am so sorry but your son ..."

"Don't!" Mrs Bellick shouted, "please don't say it ... I can't ... Not Nicky ... Please".

Mr Bellick leant closer to his wife, "honey let her speak". His wife shook her head and started to take quicker breaths, he looked up to me and nodded.

"I'm sorry but your son passed away a short while ago. I am so sorry for your loss there was nothing more we could do". Mrs Bellick let out a scream and crumpled to the floor pulling Mr Bellick with her. They both sat on the floor crying, holding each other and rocking back and forth. "I'm so sorry, please if you need anything just call". I got up and walked towards the door.

"When can we see him?" Mr Bellick asked just as I grabbed the door handle to leave.

"I will have a nurse come through to you once he's ready".

"Thank you Doctor".

I silently nodded my head and stepped back into the corridor, pulling the door closed behind me. I leant my head back against the door window and closed my eyes. This is the third child I've lost this week, the third! The third set of parents I have had to inform that they will never see their baby again.

"Money for your thoughts?"

I opened my eyes and looked forward, only to be faced by a broad chest. I looked up and saw a dark haired doctor looking down at me. I was not in the mood for Dr Kovac today, even if his mixup of words was amusing and borderline adorable. Right now was not the time. "Not now Luka", I said as I turned on my heel and walked towards the reception desk.

"You! Little miss what's your name!" Romano shouted at me.

"Yes Doctor Romano what can I do for you?" I asked as I grabbed Nicholas Bellick's folder, mentally reassuring myself that this day can't get much worse.

"I need you to take the last of my patients. Bleeding piles in three, food poisoning in six and Lego lodged up nasal passage in seven".

I turned to face the one handed doctor, "I can't I have to sign off this patient and check on the last of mine. Oh and I was supposed to finish three hours ago!"

"Well that is the career you have chosen, want a nine to five job work at Wal-Mart".

I scoffed and went to walk away, "where are you going?"

"I'm going to sort my patients out Romano, my patients not yours. I have a life too you know".

"What?! All you are going to do is go home, watch some pathetic romantic film, drink a bottle of wine and wished you could have a ridiculously handsome man whisk you off your feet and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. But guess what Cinderella that ain't going to happen. Now I have a meeting to get to with some directors so off you pop to sort out our patients. Keep your distance with six he's a projectile!"

With that Romano picked up three more files and placed them in my arms. I scowled at the back of Romano's head, silently hoping someone projectiles on him. Romano was an ass and this week I was his victim of choice. I looked up at the reception area and Luka was looking at me still probably boasting in his cocky Croatian head.

"What?!" I exclaimed a little too loudly.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and replied "nothing", smiled and walked away. I really wasn't in the mood for Kovac today, I wasn't in the mood for him and his Abby drama.

3 and a half hours it took to sort the last of mine and Romano's patients, I was therefore 6 and a half hours later finishing that I should have. It was 2:30am and I was going home! No one was going to stop me now.

I went to my locker, opened it and shrugged my white jacket off. I was so done today. The past few weeks had been tougher than I anticipated, when Neela told me she had to go home for a few weeks I thought I'd be okay. How wrong I was. Pulling the extra shifts and covering for everyone was taking its toll on me and our ever suffering apartment. Where Neela and I lived was no palace, far from it in fact, but it was ours. The first thing we paid for when we came to Chicago was a Starbucks, the second was the upfront rental deposit for this apartment. Whenever we would video chat our families they would call it cosy, that was the rich persons way of saying small.

I grabbed my leather jacket, pulling it on quickly, then picked up my purse. I put my purse on my shoulder and slammed my locker shit, turning around to walk out the staff room. I left the room minto the corridor and said goodbye to a few nurses and porters who walked past me. Walking past the reception I saw Morris laying his head down on the desk, I walked slowly up to him then slammed my hand down on the desk. "Only 5 hours to go Morris you can do it!"

Morris didn't even lift his head he just merely grunted as a response. How Romano hasn't killed him yet is beyond me, the red headed doctor is constantly coming in hung over or half out of it. "See you later Morris", I shouted as I headed out the automatic doors.

It was quite cold tonight, the first signs of Winter beginning to show. I used to complain all the time about the whether in England as it always used to be miserable, in my opinion anyway. However, complaining about the cold temperatures in the UK is nothing compared to Chicago. It gets cold! We moved into our apartment during a Chicago Winter and my God did we know about it. It was a bad time to have a frozen boiler and moved boxes of books in Ugg boots!

I pulled my jacket tighter around my torso and walked down towards the exit of the ambulance bay onto the street. The cold wind started biting at my cheeks, I really regretted just coming out in just my leather jacket. I ran across the road and went into the store opposite the hospital, God bless this store for being open all night. I greeted the shop clerk and walked down the first aisle to where there was some random clothing. I looked over the shelves and saw sun hats, sunglasses and sandals. Why would they sell this stuff in winter?!

After looking for a while I gave up hope and decided the only thing to warm me up now is coffee. I headed back to the store entrance and stood in front of the store clerk, "hey can I get a coffee to go please".

I didn't get a reply just a mere grunt in response. I suppose that was what I was expecting from someone who was working the dead night shift. As he was sorting my coffee I heard the bell ring to indicate someone entering the store, probably someone from the hospital needing their own coffee fix. I heard them walking down the aisle and heading towards the back of the store. I was about to turn around when I heard, "that will be 2 dollars".

"Sure", I replied as I gave him a couple of notes, grabbed my coffee and turned to head for the exit. I pulled the door open and as soon as I was outside I placed my hands around my steaming cup of coffee, cradling it to try and warm up my fingers. I wouldn't want to be ring Romano telling him I couldn't come in because I had frostbite.

Now do I get the 'L' or holler a cab down, one is quicker but the other is cheaper.

"You can grab a ride with me" a voice came from behind me. I turned around and there was the overly confident Croatian.

"Why would I grab a ride with you?"

"Because the 'L' is cheaper but longer".

"What are you? A mind reader all of a sudden?"

"No I have good hearing and you said it to yourself a few moments ago".

Dammit! "Ok we can share a cab no big deal".

Luka hollered a cab which pulled over to the kerb. Luka opened the door and allowed me to climb in first, how nice of him. Luka got in the cab after me and closed the door.

"How many drop offs", the driver asked.

Before I even had chance to answer Luka spoke, "just the one". I gave Luka a dangerous look showing him how I felt about it. "Don't worry I just want to talk".

"There is nothing to talk about", I said as I turned to face the window. I felt Luka shuffle towards me on the back seats and placed his hand under my chin. He cupped my chin and turned me to face him, placing his other hand on my stomach.

"I think there is".


End file.
